A Letter to My Son on his 10th Birthday

Under the category of “bad mom”, I can add another tick mark. I had written Boo’s birthday post in advance and scheduled it as we’d be traveling on his birthday and I didn’t want to forget to post it. Unfortunately, something went wonky and it didn’t publish as planned.  My apologies, big guy. The fault is in my technical savvy and not the amount of love my heart holds for you.

Dear Boo:

Yesterday, I saw something I haven’t seen enough of lately.

I saw you grin, ear to ear. I saw a real smile – a huge smile, and not the cheesy kind you mug for my camera – and it made my heart sing. I saw a smile that lasted, and I saw you.

 

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 YOU. You beautiful boy.

That smile – when you are you, when you are free from worry and frustration, oh how it can light up a room.

Last year was a good year and saw a lot of great things, but it was a difficult year. Too many changes, too much uncertainty, so much to cause your gentle heart worry. I understand all this – the worry, the uncertainty, the resistance to change, as I think we’ve all felt a bit of it,  but perhaps you even more so, as you are starting to grow up, and all those things that didn’t really touch you as a child are starting to be felt deeply.

You feel deeply, because you, my boy, have a kind and caring heart. Your compassion for others runs deep, and you possess so much kindness and thoughtfulness – and this just isn’t your momma saying it, I hear it over and over from others, too.  But I know, too, how the kindness and compassion can come with sensitivity – and that can make it tough to brush off unkind words and actions from other boys or impatience or frustration from your sometimes demanding parents.

Lately we have seen you plant seeds of doubt in areas where you possess so much strength, so know that if (and when) we push you, it is because we believe in you – even when your faith may falter.  We do believe in you, even on, especially on,  the days you don’t.

So these are my birthday wishes for you:

I wish that this year, you see yourself as we see you – as strong, brave and able to do whatever you set your mind to do.

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You are such a leader, and friends like you for your easy manner – something that not all first-born can claim.  Your goofy voices, and your good (and bad) accents never fail to make me laugh. Your laugh is as infectious as always. Your drive to improve, to be better, is something that never fails to impress. You’re a pretty cool kid. Believe it.

I wish for the you to learn to let go of the unkind things that people say to you and brush them off (the words and in the interactions) as not worth the energy expended in getting upset. 

I’ve got the thinnest skin of all, so I’ll never be one to judge you on this, but you are so much more than what other people label you out of petty jealousy. You know who you are on the inside.  You are one amazing kid. Believe it.

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And mostly, I wish you happiness.

Worrying is the job of the momma. Be a kid. Have fun. Be happy.  Be GOOFY. Life is good and you are awesome.

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And be patient with your old mom.  I do know how you feel, because we are so much alike, and sometimes as my heart breaks or gets so full I could burst, I may get angry on your behalf (but never at you) or silly with pride, but I’ll do my best not to embarrass you (too much).

I love you, kiddo. You really do rock.

Love, Mom

 

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