Disappointed…Again

Today was not the best of days.

(I wonder how many posts I actually start like that……)

Where was I? Oh, me.

For someone that has less innate parental talent than even I anticipated, today went pretty badly.  Oh, sure, I didn’t initiate the trouble, precisely – the kidlings handled that all on their own.  They faught. They squabbled. There was a lot of screaming and scratching involved. At times, it was not unlike the snarling, scrabbling fight scenes in “Fantastic Mr. Fox”….

 

Yup, it was that bad.

But in the end, it was the screaming at each other that got to me. I’d done time outs. I’d separated them. I’d calmly explained that “screaming at your brother that you NEED him to play with you” is probably not going to get him to come back in the room, and that “throwing your toys at me and screaming that you were going to ‘run away for ever and ever and never come back again'” was not going to win  you any favors. And yet, they screamed at each other. And at me, if I didn’t punish the other one for yet another transgression that occurred whilst I was doing the laundry/hanging it on the line/haggling with the plumber/electrician/making lunch…..

….and I snapped.

More than once.

And instead of a calm handling of the situation, I STORMED into the room, likely with smoke pouring from my ears, and SCREAMED at them  – to stop screaming at each other.

Effective, eh?

But my frustration was born out of something else entirely. Mine was borne of disappointment – that you were spending one of your last summer days at home, not out doing something – anything – even going to the park together – because I was tethered to the phone, to await a call from the plumber in the US, or simply to the house, because I was waiting for the plumber and the electrician here.

There was disappointment because even though we were HERE, we weren’t actually doing something fun, or crafty.

Which, then, generated more disappointment with myself in general, because, despite how I like crafts, we just don’t DO those kinds of things together often, and, honestly, since we are all type-A control freaks, half the time it all ends in disappointment or tears. To be honest, my “things to do this summer list” doesn’t have too much checked off on it outside of the items involving our two main holiday trips.   I’m not that kind of mom, the one who is always coming up with cool things to do, even though I would like to be one. Maybe in an alternate universe….

Because, honestly, the time left in which to do these things with you is fleeing fast. Soon, way too soon, you’ll be older, bigger, worse yet, teens (gulp) and you won’t want to hang out with your old Mom.

And I don’t want to look back on these years with even more disappointment than I usually feel at the end of the day because I didn’t handle things the way I wanted to or knew I should.

Oh, I know. They won’t turn into criminals overnight from a lack of a time out here or a broken up sibling fight there.

But I would like to avoid being the subject of years of therapy later on.

That would be really disappointing.
Mama’s Losin’ It

Today’s post was inspired by one of Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop writing prompts: “Write about a time you were disappointed”.

Or maybe it’s just (un)lucky coincidence. I dunno.

But apparently, I’m not the only disappointed gal out there, so check out the blog here to read more tales of disappointment, along with those of panic attacks, our grandma’s, and airplane etiquette.

 

 

Comments

  1. I once missed taking my children to see the president (I kid you not) because I was waiting for a repairman who never came. No one is at their best when waiting for a repairman so I give you far more leeway than you give yourself just on that point alone!

    I hope tomorrow is better! Be kind to yourself. It will pay off with the kiddos too.

  2. You are SO not alone on this one.

  3. Jan Suarez Ameday says:

    Hang in there. The best is yet to come. They seemed like great kids when I met them.

  4. Are you sure you didn’t have some kind of out-of-body experience and turn into me for a short time? I could’ve sworn that was EXACTLY the way my kids (and I) behaved today….being disappointed in our own parenting skills sucks! Hope your remaining summer days are a bit happier.

    hi from mamak’s

  5. So sorry you are having such a rotten day. 🙁 Sorry I can’t share my two cents since I’m not a mom, but from a child’s perspective (I’m a kid at heart) I remember my mom was so patient but firm when she disciplined us kids. No matter how old we got, she kept correcting us until we finally learned to TRY to be good to each other. Hopefully your kids will learn this too and soon so you can rest. 😀 Good luck and try to find time to relax.

  6. We ALL have days like that 🙁 Just hang in there and I’m sure the good days outweight the disappointing ones.

  7. I feel for you. My kids have already started school and our summer sucked. Every day, literally every day, I thought we should be doing something different, something better, something outside so that none of us is screaming and mommy isn’t holed up in the bathroom crying at the end of the day. Take a deep breath and know that it will get better and you will eventually be satisfied that you are doing your best.

  8. Oh, I’ve had those days. I hate it when smoke comes out of the ears, but it happens. I usually give myself a “mommy time-out,” which consists of me hiding out on the basement steps. Sometimes we just need a break. Tomorrow is a new day.

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